Church life these days is hard. It used to be easy. In the past, I knew exactly what to expect. I could speak the lingo pretty well. I was credentialed in that system. Yes, life was much easier then. That life ended for me in 2003 as I sensed God leading us toward something more basic, more simple, more discipleship-oriented. Over a year later, here’s what I know. It’s hard to live in community with other believers. As I believe Alan has mentioned before, it’s hard to kill off the expectations we’ve been immersed in for years. You know what I mean. We have these expectations. We have expectations that fellow believers will act a certain way. They will respond to us in a certain way. We place expectations on the “pastor” of the community. That he/she should be doing this or that or making me feel this or that. Church life should be all peaches and cream. AND if it’s not, than I’ll just go elsewhere. I think I’ve had some of those expectations, sometimes without even recognizing them as such.

I got an email from a friend about some of these very things. I think I’ll just include it here since he does a great job explaining what I believe we’re going through. (Since I didn’t ask him beforehand, I’ve not included his name.)

The "ministry" is in us, a part of who we are. Therefore, flushing much of what we have been taught and experienced down the toilet is really hard. More difficult than we probably realize. You mentioned in your email you were in a detox phase. I've heard it called deconstruction. Both are accurate descriptions. I wonder if detoxing is, especially for pastoral types, a prelude to death. I know it seems that way for me. Dying has been a theme in my life for a while. Laying down and giving up my dreams, ambitions, assumptions, control, ideas of success, and the necessity of getting my way has been a death like experience. I think I still have a long way to go, too. Excuse my presumption, but it seems like you guys are doing some significant dying right now. If I were in your position I suppose I would feel humiliated, frustrated and cornered with no way out. My only suggestion, and what has been helpful for me, and what has taken me toooo long to figure out, is to invite God into the crap and let the dying continue. The cool thing about dying and laying it all down is that it is very liberating and freeing. We are liberated from the need to succeed and be in control. We are freed from limitations and constrictions of our assumptions and ambitions. Dropping these things is painful, yet exhilarating too. Finally empty, we can be filled. We aren't consumed by our needs and ministry, therefore we can simply live in the moment and serve others, trusting God will take care of the rest. That is a wonderful way to live, and one that most pastors no nothing about. But it's worth more than gold.

I really like the line “invite God into the crap and let the dying continue.” There’s a lot of stuff I need to lay down. A lot of assumptions about church, about ministry, about personal success. I need to let the dying continue. Yeah, the last year and a half has been pretty hard but I know I’ve learned a lot. I certainly don’t have it all figured out yet. There are a few things I have to regularly remind myself of. Things like: living with a community of believers is going to be a lot of work. It certainly involves sacrifice, a word we’re not too keen on these days. Plus, it’s not quick. Becoming an integral part of a community of faith takes a long time. I have old assumptions and old thinking that still influence my perceptions of church life and I need to be aware of them as such.

Perhaps you can relate to some of what I’ve written.

Peace to you.

:: Bryan :: 10:45 AM ::
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